I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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