Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
