Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
