Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
