every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
