eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
