"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
