i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
