Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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