she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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