I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
