It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
