Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
