So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
