Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
