dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
