now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Drake has all the answers
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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