Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
