I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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