there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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