where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
