I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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