Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
too bad you live with your parents still
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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