me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize