I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
