My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
