is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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