Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
