were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
