I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
