Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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