Even the bartender felt bad for me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
