Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
