He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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