How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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