I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
