My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
