you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
