if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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