hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
