the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize