Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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