Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
