Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
