In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
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