...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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