Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
