he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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