i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
