I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
