Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im part way to drunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
