i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
