dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
