I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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