my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
