either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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