I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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