high people should be assigned attendants
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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