it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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