Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
