dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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