The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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