sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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