yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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