If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
