So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
