how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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