After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
