WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
